Monday, December 12, 2011

The Best Chat and why my Crocodile No Longer has Tea with the Queen.

A chat with pate, my invisible twin.
me: hay ivisibibble twin
Pate: invisibble twin it says your offline!
you truly are invisible
stares in awe
me: bows to crowd and pulls rabbit out of hat
Pate: gasp
me: we are so cool.
Pate: now pull a donkey out of the hat rachel!
yup ikr/
me: donkey is to big. what you pull out of the hat is directly proportional to the size of the hat.
Pate: heres an idea buy a donkeysized hat
me: also sometimes the shape matters too.
Pate: hmm...........what if the animal is tall and skinny?
could you have a short hat to pull it out of?
me: and i cant buy a donkey hat becasue i dont know wherer to get one and if i went to get one i would have to stop chatting.
and yes, it just has to fit out of the opening.
Pate: true........You get them at the donkey hat store
they sell hats to donkeys
its the new thing
you didnt know?
buying hats for donkeys
me: i geuss im just out of it.
Pate: i know do you live under a rock?????????
its ok so do i
me: no ur confusing me with biz. i live in a human-sized hat.
Pate: wait i thought you lived in a shoe?
me: no thats a little old lady with a bunch of kids. what ever gave you that idea?
Pate: i dont kno
you just seem like the kind of person that would live in a shoe
me: nope. its a hat. but if i did live in a shoe, it would be my converse.
Pate: really? see i would live in an UG
me: wow. why?
Pate: cuz its cozy and big. of course if i had to live in something id live in a mall
playing hide and seek in it every day
short pump mall
me: niiiice.
Pate: what about you?
what would u live in if anything?
me: and an ugg would be awfley uncomforable in the summer.
Pate: thats true
oh hot
but its shady
me: haha okay. if i could live in anything...a tree. or a tree house that grew right out of the tree house. or sometghing like that.
Pate: woah a tree house that was as big as a city!
me: not that big. i dont need that much space.
Pate: maybe you do
i mean with all these hats and animals
you might
me: hmm thats true...i didnt think of that.
Pate: plus i dont think that youll want to live within 5 miles of your pet crocidile
me: no, my crocodile lives in a swamp in a pair of crocs.
and it likes me and i pet it and play with it with rather frayed chew toys.
Pate: where does it do its business?
me: on a toilet. duh. where else?
say that again? i didnt get it.
Pate: say what?
me: it said "pate has entered text"... what did you enter?
Pate: nothing brb
me: okay
Pate: back how did you train your crocidile
me: what do you mean train? hes not trained. But we do have lovely 2 o'clock teas every sunday and thursday...
Pate: oh he's very soffisticated
me: yes, from london.
Pate: really? he has tea with the queen?
me: no that was only once. they brought out a platter of fish fingers and custard (his favorite food) and he got so excited that he jumped up on the table and stuck his face right in the food. he was never invited back. it was very embaressing for him.
Pate: aww
did the queen cry?
me: yeah. he sent an apology letter, but they never responded.
she didnt cry. she said harumph!
Pate: mabye they were still shocked
i gtg sorry bye
me: bye!

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